Tangent Time

The backend of the Jeep Cherokee hydroplaned 45 degrees to the right. Despite our driver’s severe height challenge, my friend “Corn” managed to keep his cool and recover our 4-wheel coffin from extinction. This tragedy would have resulted in holding up traffic for minimum of 2-1/2 hours.

However from his amber-putrid expression, I think he may have swallowed some of his utterly offensive Copenhagen drool.

The most significant point is this is Scottsdale Arizona, where it rains about as often as Paris Hilton says something intelligent.

The road was not wet; we had only hit a ground-squirrel-size pot hole on State Road 51. But regardless, the Jeep almost did a Cirque du Soleil style Topsy-Turvy.

My friend was in the driver’s seat, his wife riding shotgun. My wife and I in the back with the golf clubs. We all thought we were going to die. The rest of the round trip to Sedona was white-knuckled all the way.

We had just rented a Jeep from Fox Rental Car in the Phoenix Airport. Leaving the parking lot, I was really stunned at how aggressive the speed bumps where. I had never felt speed bumps like this before; the backend of the Jeep would kick like at Bucking Bronco.

We were too far down the road before we realized that this Jeep was built on a Monday. I would like to say the shock absorbers were completely worn out, but that is a major understatement. There couldn’t possibly have been any shocks installed on this vehicle at all!

None, Nada, Zip, Zilch.

Oh and I think the right front tire was midnight-requisitioned from Fred Flintstone.

Despite the traumatic ride, we really enjoyed our golf game among the red rocks.

Prior to returning the vehicle I took two Valium and three Xanax at the pleading of my friends to better handle my encounter with the Fox Rental Agent. After 40 years of friendship and 15 years of marriage, I guess they know me.

I politely pointed out the deficiencies in this coffin masquerading as some sort transportation device. Since I would feel really bad if the next customer died, I strongly suggested that they not rent this vehicle to anyone else until the undercarriage and tires received as much work as Angela Bismarchi.

The rental agent’s response was:

“Next time maybe you should rent the Extravaganza 3600 with the deluxe flux capacitor and power everything package?”

For historical accurateness, this is not the exact quote uttered, but something nearly as retarded.

Walking to the terminal in my drug induced la-la-land, my wife said to me;

“Was that idiot’s response really to rent a more expensive car next time? Are they crazy! We paid $450 for that one!”

I am pretty sure everyone reading this post has rented a car in their lifetime and has had, well let’s say, a less than stellar experience.

I know the odds of the acts below actually happening are identical to winning Powerball three weeks in a row……using the same numbers…..

But come on; let your imagination run wild for a few seconds: this is Tangent Time.

What if the rental car company actually did any of the following?

• Sent me a form letter saying they were sorry (with my name spelled wrong)
• Sent me a personalized note saying they were sorry
• Sent me a hand-written, personalized note saying they were sorry
• Sent me a hand-written, personalized note saying they were sorry and a 50% discount on my next rental for the trauma they had caused
• Sent me a hand-written, personalized note saying they were sorry, thank you for pointing out the defects so that we did not rent it to another customer until it was fixed. Also we would like to extend to you a coupon for a free week’s rental on your next vacation. (with my name spelled correctly)

OK, I know the last one is really out there.

Do you follow up with your customers after they complain?
Do you sincerely thank then for their feedback?
Do you give them something to turn a bad situation into positive Word of Mouth?

At 4:30 am Fox Rental Car agents could easily send out these letters. The agents have little to do that early in the morning except surf the net. I know this is true because that is exactly what they were doing when I rudely interrupted them from Asian Midget Porn to return their black coffin.

Mark L. Fox
slyasafox.com